Strawberry Stories
by Princess-Milkyway111
Summary: RoyEd Fluff and randomness. Five ministories that hint at, evolve into, or are just already all out RoyEd. Wierd humor and just plain strange things, ex, Ed shaves! Roy takes Ed out! And our newest story about Ed's outfit!
1. I'm Too Sexy For My Razor Part A Pg13

Story- I'm too sexy for a razor!

Type- Two-Part One-Shot.

Inspired by- M.P.'s ramblings of what soothes her the most.

Coupling- None in part A

PMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMV

'Blah, blah, and more blah.' Golden eyes were narrowed. Edward Elric, Full Metal, was trying his best to ignore the surprise party being planned. Of course he would never admit it but he was quite fond of strawberry frosting. Hence the sudden snap of attention at the mention of what kind of frosting should decorate the birthday cake.

This would have been all dandy if it had been someone else's party, but no, it was the surprise party of the Flame Alchemist: Roy Mustang. And this meant that the frosting had to be strawberry, for Ed's sake of course. You could get rid of the party, the streamers, the spiked punch, but no one could get rid of the cake! As long as there was cake...it must have strawberry flavored icing!

One gloved hand shot into the air.

"Yes Full Metal?" Riza Hawkeye gave a look at the now franticly waving his hand, Edward Elric. It didn't help that her tone came out strangled. It was a hot day, all assignments had been postponed, and to top it off over twenty people were crammed in a room that made her closet look like a mansion.

"I think we should have strawberry icing!" a grin was cracked on the alchemist's face as his brother looked at him with disbelief.

The younger of the Elrics shook his head. This was just like his brother. Edward had come to him earlier to tell Alphonse about the meeting and to warn him that it was probably going to bore them all to death. Al had taken the precaution to even jot down some metal notes so he could summarize the meeting later. Ed would most likely focus his whole attention span on the frosting now. Figures.

During the debate of why strawberry icing would be best for the party, Al took note of the room that twenty people had been shoved into. There was a large double paned window to the right of him with the door to his back. The room was supposed to be used for storage but had become dusty with the unused years. It would have been perfect if it wasn't over 90 degrees inside the building and branching a hundred outside. Al wondered if he was hot enough to cook nachos for the party. The armor that his soul was encased in was away from the majority of the room's occupants. Touching it would lead to a third degree burn.

Bang! "What the hell did you do that for!" Alphonse watched as his older brother shook his fist at Hawkeye.

"We are having vanilla frosting on the cake Ed." The female blonde emphasized this with a wave of a gun. "Do I make myself clear?" Riza glanced around the room. All scooted as far back from the lieutenant as possible which was very difficult. "Good." The gun was placed back into the holster and Ed shrunk down depressed. He had really wanted strawberry too!

'Damn Riza. What does she have against strawberry anyway?' He mentally whined. Crossing his legs again and placing his left elbow on his knee, he brooded over life mysteries and strawberry icing as the other blonde started making preparations. 'I'll just ask Al what the party plan is tonight.' He thought. 'Why does Riza have to act all bossy sometimes? I mean, she can be nice when she wants to or as willing to prove a point just to get it across. Suddenly everything was tuned out as Ed remembered that one fateful day where Riza Hawkeye had passed on to him an addictive habit. Shaving...

It had first started with the blonde female being more agitated on a particular day. 'I had assumed that Mustang wasn't doing the work that she usually had to resort to violence to get done. How wrong was I with that?' He thought.

'Corridors were meant to be walked in, not used as a track for some mile-long race!' She had snapped at him after he had flown into her.

As he helped her gather up the folders of military business papers, he had made the mistake of asking what was wrong. He had been pushed back and landed in a sprawl, an almost empty folder spilled its' contents.

Rage made up her posture as she pointed her finger right at him and began to rant.

('And I had thought Mustang was bad with his self-control...')

'...and than Hughes has to just start shoving pictures in my face that I've already seen about fifteen times this morning, Havoc said that I ought to do something with my hair, and Mustang had to go and comment on the whole skirt thing! It's bad enough that he already has a petition going around for it, but if that happens I have to start shaving again and everyone knows that once you start you just can't stop! Urgh!'

('Riza had stomped her foot down for a dramatic effect before she had turned to look at me. She than proceeded to ask me why I had been so careless by running about Central,') Golden eyes flashed back to the present. Watching intently, mental notes were made to what was going on before drifting back to a memory that had occurred about two months ago.

('I remember explaining that I was getting called away to investigate a series of small alchemic crimes being committed in a distant area. I think she understood how much pressure had been put on me during the past weeks as the Colonel had me go on mini-missions without Al; he had wanted me to meet and greet future alchemists that would in the following months be attempting to take the exam. It wasn't fun; most of the men I met had been too cocky for their own good. But I guess that's how I was too when I took it. Anyway, I had explained to Hawkeye that I at once reported that everything had gone smoothly with the meet and greets and was assigned to take off on my next case in three hours. I still had to eat and alert Al that I was back...')

'Edward Elric. You are not to leave until you've gotten proper nourishment into your body.' She towered over me-hey! I was on my ass on the floor! - and proceeded to yank me up. 'I am taking you to get something to eat before your brother sees how malnourished you are.'

('With that said I was then dragged to the cafeteria to indulge in proper food, as Hawkeye said. There I tried to be supportive, she said I didn't have to drink my milk, by telling her that her hair looked fine and that Mustang didn't have a snowball's chance in hell in making her wear a skirt. However, I thought she was going to kill me, when I brought up the shaving bit. She just gave me a look that said "Don't take your chances and shut up".')

Al stared at his brother. He didn't have to make it so obvious that he wasn't paying attention...Edward's eyes were glazed over and in the position that he had put himself in it reminded Al of a picture he had seen in Sheska's art book collection. Said bookworm looked like she was about to pass out. Maes Hughes was slipping pictures around the room as Hawkeye droned on about what the costumes would look like.

Yes, it was to be a costume surprise party. The slips of paper everyone had received stated what costume they had to come in. Al was grimacing though because of certain issues no one could see it. He was going to be forced to attend the party as Peter Pan. 'Brother is going to get a kick out of painting me green.'

'Brother' was still in thought however. The slip of paper in his right auto mail hand saying what his costume would be had been forgotten.

('I still remember what she told me: It's that special feeling you get knowing that your legs are smooth and silky and no one else knows that' she had explained.'

He also remembered that when he disagreed with her and said that she was just being over sensitive...well instead of being shot in the head for the oversensitive comment, he had been dragged down to the female showers.)

'I'm going to shown you why I like shaving put find it positively annoying to do so.' She had hissed, rummaging around in the cabinet for something. 'Now Ed, put your leg up.'

He had pulled the pant leg up mutely and placed it on the small cubical ledge. No way was he going to argue with a woman determined to prove a point! No siree!

Satisfied, Riza had nodded. In a sudden move her gun was drawn, aimed and shot. The Full Metal alchemist looked at the broken lock. No way was anyone going to save him now.

She handed him one of the two razors she had pulled out of the cabinet and kept one for herself. Telling Hawkeye that he didn't want to have her girly theories tested on him was more like saying, 'please shoot me?'

She herself than had yanked her own leg up to join his right one. 'Turn on the water Edward.' She had ordered.

He remembered fumbling with the faucet that ran the shower. When he had finally gotten the smaller nozzle that served in being used for rinsing off items without getting wet to work Riza handed him a bar of soap.

'Lather your leg with it.'

'Uh, Kay?' Sleeves were rolled up as the overcoat was discarded and hands immediately set to work at Riza's order.

His clumsily movements tried to mimic the sadist woman next to him and when the tedious job of lathering was accomplished she took the pink-handled razor to her curved muscular leg. Apparently said legs hadn't been touched by the object in a while. She brought the razor up, cutting through the fluffy apple smelling foam. When she had finished with her right calf she motioned for the young man next to her to do the same.

'Hold the handle at an angle and don't press to hard against the skin or you'll remove more than hair.' She warned.

'Got it.' If Ed had thought that his lathering was clumsy...than his thoughts were corrected when pale skin was exposed by crooked strips. Surprisingly he hadn't cut himself after he had shown his shaving sensei the work on his own calf.

'Good, we'll stop here.' Moving to wash off the rest of the soap he looked at her, questioning her with his eyes before joining her.

'If we go any further you will most-likely lose any dignity you have left in your masculinity. Wash off and leave.' With this said he rinsed off and left a little disappointed

"Brother! Brother!"

"Huh? Alphonse? What's going on?" A yawn escaped out of him as he looked at his brother.

"Edward...I'm really surprised at you."

"Huh?" With this Ed took a quick glance around the room; it was empty.

"You completely dozed off in the middle of the Lieutenant's instructions and plans brother! You're lucky I took note of all the important details!" Al shook his head in a disapproving manner.

"Thanks Al! Hehe, so what's going on?" Edward discarded his position on the chair and stood up to leave.

As they walked through the door discussing all the streamers and punch needed to be bought he, neglected the fact that his brother wasn't aware of the type of party being thrown.

"So we're in charge of hanging streamers!" With that enthusiastically said both boys made their way to their dorm room.

TBC

Please Reviewaboutwhat you think of the story. Positive criticism is always appreciated!


	2. I'm Too Sexy For My Razor Part B Pg13

Story- I'm too sexy for a razor!

Type- Two-Part One-Shot, really a short story.

Inspired by- M.P.'s ramblings of what soothes her the most and her super special secret.

Coupling- Roy/Edward

AAA

Alphonse watched his brother fume.

Yes, Ed was angry and the source of his anger rested on the sharp-shooting sadist blonde known as Riza Hawkeye.

"Brother, the costumes were chosen from a hat. You might not remember this but you _willingly _dipped your hand into the hat and pulled out your costume slip." With that said the younger but much larger of the two turned his body back into the position he previously was in before his brother had started the fuss.

Ed's fury grew. How dare his brother accuse him! It was so not his fault that he had one of the most degrading costumes of all time! He crossed both arms and collapsed in defeat on the couch. He was tired, damn it!

"_Allllphonsse! _You don't understand! I can't be. I can't be-"

"Brother! I have to go as Peter Pan! How do you think I feel?" Al gazed at a book lying on the desk he was sitting at. Both had placed themselves in their favorite positions as soon as they entered their dorm. Only one had remained in said position; the other had just hopped up and paced like a caged tiger.

"Ed, what's so wrong with dressing up as a kitty? They're very cute!" Al would have taken the cat costume any day, better than being painted green.

'He's so lucky that I love him...' Ed thought from the comfort of the couch. "Because Al! Hawkeye's recommendation for this damn costume is a body suit with cat ears and an alchemically attached tail! I mean, it's like she planned this or something just to torture me!" He shook his head sideways indicating that Hawkeye's suggestion of what the costume should look like was ridiculous. "I mean, who in their right minds would choose for the costume theme 'fairy tale' characters!"

Al knew that if Ed didn't get an answer from his younger brother than the matter was settled. Alphonse picked up the lone book and began flipping through it. The light was fading fast in the room; lamps were not supposed to be used in dorms until night had fully fallen. "Brother, why don't you start your costume later? I think I'm the one who's unlucky here!" Book forgotten Al's metal body turned to face the young alchemist again.

"Heheh, sorry Al. I forgot that your costume had to be painted on..." Maybe this would provide some well needed stress relief.

Later, much later...an hour or two before the party(It could have been five minutes before the party...they really weren't counting), the Elric's dorm room looked like a battle field.

"Great Al, now all we have to do is find a feather." Ed stood back, the plastic that was placed on the floor crinkled with his weight. Green paint specks littered the black undershirt and Alphonse just stood there watching his brother haphazardly smudge his face with more paint.

"Brother, why couldn't we just use alchemy with the paint? It would have saved time and paint..."

"Because Al, as sensei would say, 'alchemy shouldn't be used for things we should do ourselves." Ed explained doing his best Izumi impression, paint brush being swung around speckling the cream-colored walls. Secretly Ed just wanted to paint his brother green.

"But brother...I give up..." Al murmured to himself as his brother dug around in their small wardrobe.

"Here Al, we can use this for your cap!" Al looked at the black cloth swatch and paint that was shown to him.

"So. Were going to use alchemy for _that _but we couldn't use it for the body part of the costume? Fine Ed, whatever you want." Al fidgeted on the plastic he was positioned on and watched as his brother transmuted he cloth into a hat fusing the paint's color on it.

Ed finished, green cap in hand, and brought it to his brother. "Whadda' think Al? Here try it on." He motioned for Alphonse to take the cap.

"Um, Ed..." Al held up his hands, they had been painted too. The Full Metal Alchemist sweat dropped and reached up on tippytoes to deposit the hat on Alphonse's metal head. "Hey Al, guess we don't need that feather now, that suit's ornament kinda' looks like one."

"I guess brother." Al stood with his completed costume. Except for part of his metal legs, arms and face, everything was green; even the pink apron was green.

"Good, now I gotta' do mine...crap, I'm gonna kill Mustang if he doesn't get a kick out of this damned party." The cheerful mood now forgotten. "Uh, Al. I'm gonna go clean up, if you didn't notice I'm covered in paint." Al watched his brother rotate in a clockwise motion.

"Now stay right there and don't move until you are completely dry. I'm going to hit the showers." With that said the older Elric grabbed his shower duffle.

The walk down to the men's showers was fairly quick. When he got there Ed was greeted with an empty block of showers. Perfect. The bag was then dumped onto the small shelf in the last shower stall.

"'Kay, Shampoo, check; soap, check; squeegee, check. Okay seems I have everything..." Ed nodded his head in a satisfactory gesture than began to strip. 'Let's make this fast.' The blonde thought idly scratching his left thigh. 'Crap, I'm so damn hairy. Just because I have to dress like a cat doesn't mean I have to be fuzzy like one...un hu, un huh." Ed rummaged around in the shower bag pulling out a pink razor. Hey, it wasn't his fault that he had to lift it from the women's showers! "Crap, this is so not my day." The metal blades of the razor were rusting. No way was he going to let those touch his skin.

The blonde glanced thoughtfully at the pink razor in his right auto mail hand. "This thing will take off more than hair if I try to use alchemy to fix it. Damn her...bloody Riza and her bloody points!"

'Looks like I'm going to have to pilfer another one of these things.'

Ed left the men's showers after pulling on his pants an undershirt and took a sharp left to the women's showers. With a random theme song repeating in his head he knocked gingerly on the door. Hm, that's right. No one bothered to use these showers because of the broken lock, courtesy of a Miss Riza Hawkeye.

Going boldly in, the door fell back in place as Ed started to examine under the sink for the stash of razors kept there. One would have thought that the smart thing to do would be to examine under the _men's _sink for razors.

'Hm, looks like they all became rusted.' A once new razor was held in Ed's hand as he inspected the blades. None of them were good to use. Head hung in defeat he placed everything that had been taken from the cabinet back. A dull pink plastic bottle dropped a good two inches to the floor as the alchemist withdrew his hand from the dark space.

The bottle was picked up. "Nair?" The blonde cocked his head in confusion..."Oh, it's used to remove hair. Well I do need hair to be removed, couldn't hurt to try it..."

The Nair was taken back to the men's showers.

'Let's see. How does this work?' Ed returned back to his stall. Surprisingly and almost very weird, the showers were still empty, besides one lone naked blonde of course.

"Ah, I'll just dump the whole bottle on." He did just that too. 'Got to wait seven minutes now.'

Five of the seven minutes were spent doing normal shower things. Ed's hair received a large dose of strawberry shampoo, massaged onto his scalp without water; he was sure that by turning on the faucet it would wash off the dripping pink that was on his legs. Soap was rubbed onto the skin using the white foam dripping down from his hair.

Everything was perfect _until..._"Bloody hell! It burns!" Ed threw himself into a jig as the pink liquid made a leg and half a leg feel like they were on fire. "Crap, crap, crap!" The water was immediately turned on and a crimson colored squeegee aided in removing the pink hellish liquid.

"Much better. I do not want to know why women subject themselves to _that_" Ed rinsed off, legs throbbing and tingling. "At least Nair got the hair off. Damn it! It's turning to paste on the auto mail."

Ed took precaution to clean everything that had the Nair on it. With matters set the shower from hell was finished.

The repeating song that Ed had played over in his head now was hummed unconsciously as he examined himself in the convenient full length mirror outside of the shower. A smirk graced his face as he rubbed his left hand up and down his right leg. Smooth and silky. "I guess even I'm to sexy for a razor now. Back to work though."

'This shouldn't be to hard to alter into a damn Puss and Boots costume.' Were his thoughts as he shook out his clean change of pants and undershirt and laid them flat. 'I guess I can alter the boots too. Don't have enough fabric though for the tail and other junk. I could use my already worn shirt. What to do for whiskers? I have to come up with something better than Hawkeye's 'tape wire to face' suggestion. Hmmm... Well I better just work on the essentials.'

His hands were clapped together several times on each piece of clothing. His worn undershirt torn to make the tail. The costume was indeed simple. Red-soled boots were altered to make them more fashionable; the leather pants were made longer and put into a flare with the extra material from the torn shirt. It was finished off with a long sleeved version of the blonde's undershirt. The tail wasn't really a tail, just a piece of black leather shaped and attached to trail down his left leg.

"Didn't that cat have a sword or something like that?" Ed gazed thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "I think he had a hat too. Well I shouldn't have to bother with those. All I need are kitty ears...hmmm. I'll do those later."

Ed left the showers in his costume. His shower bag brushed softly against his side as he made his way back to the room with Al in it. 'Ow. I wonder again why women do this to themselves.'

"Full Metal!"

"Huh?" Ed turned around to see who had called him.

'Uh oh...It's Mustang.'

"May I ask what you are doing out here in the hallway?" Roy Mustang gave Ed a once over with his eyes. "And what the hell are you wearing?"

"Uhm? I'm dressed as a cat?" Ed flashed the Colonel innocent eyes. Roy reciprocated by narrowing his own.

"Where is everyone? Hawkeye gave me a huge stack of papers to work on and when I went to look for her everyone was gone."

'Good thing he didn't check in the cafeteria.' Ed just kept staring at his flushed boss. Roy had sprinted after the blonde when he caught site of him. "Well, I last saw Hawkeye organizing a rally or something..." Hey, he couldn't fully lie to his boss.

"Okay, okay. Now about what you are wearing. Can you explain why you're dressed as a, as a cat?"

"I make a very sexy kitty. Don't you think?" The blonde did a 180 degree turn and placed a hand on his butt. "See, I even have a kitty tail."

"Your dressed like a cat because you think you look sexy? Who put that idea into your small head?" Roy cocked his head to the right and crossed both arms.

"I. Am. Not. Short!" Ed turned around and pointed his right index finger at his boss. "At least I know what's going on. _You _don't."

"Full Metal. What is going on? That's an order, not a question." Roy Mustang's stance hardened. 'Full Metal really does look sexy in that costume...I did not just think that...' A frown appeared on his narrow face as Ed faced his own internal battles.

'God, I can't tell him...'

"Well, you see Colonel. I would tell you if it wasn't for this itty bitty thingy." He emphasized his point by barely pinching his fingers together.

'He so just set himself up...' A smirk replace the frown, "I hope this itty bitty thing isn't you, is it?"

Golden eyes narrowed. 'Okay, ignore the peanut gallery...', "The itty bitty thingy I was talking about involves-"

Bang!

"Edward, I'm glad I found you." Riza stood with gun in had, a bullet hole now in the wall's plaster.

"Can you tell me what's going on? Here's the paperwork by the way." The colonel handed the papers to Riza as if manic gun wielding blondes were normal.

"I'm sure Full Metal here would be happy to explain what's going on in the next room, follow me."

"I would?"

"Right this way Sir, Ed please remain a moment." Riza motioned with the gun as her superior moved into the room who glanced warily at the metal in her hands.

When both blondes were in the corridor alone, Riza lowered her voice to a whisper and Ed nodded his head at the instructions: Keep his superior busy.

Ed walked into the room, noting the Mustang seemed to have taken the more comfortable piece of furniture to sit on.

"So, what did she want?"

Kachinck, Bang! Both looked in shock as the lock on the door was locked and shot, effectively sealing the room.

"She did not just do that..." Roy looked at the lock; no way would the door open unless severe force was applied.

"I would tell you what she wanted if I didn't want to risk getting shot in the head for it..." Ed thought glumly. He should be pitied, stuck in a room with Roy Mustang was a nightmare. He placed himself on the love seat "Ow."

"Hmm? What did you say Full Metal?" A glance was cast from black eyes at the smaller boy.

"It's nothing..." He said hastily.

An eyebrow was raised. "Nothing? I thought the expression 'ow' usually represented a cry of pain."

"I did something stupid. Now leave me alone."

"No, I don't think I will." Roy's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

"Huh? Why not? It's non of your concern why I'm ow-ing" The blonde made bunny ears at the word 'ow-ing'.

"Don't say ow-ing. You sound like a cow. Besides, you doing something stupid usually means I have to fix it in the end. Just tell me what you did so I know what to expect later on." The raven haired man moved around on the single person over stuffed chair and waved his hand in a nonchalant way. "Better to tell me now or I can give you hell until you do."

'Ugh! Why did I have to use that pink liquid from hell!' Edward lowered his head and mumbled.

"What was that?" Roy leaned his head forward unconsciously to catch the blonde's words.

"Ow," he reached down and drew his legs up to his chin, "I used Nair on my legs. Happy?"

Roy blinked owlishly. "I would if I knew what _Nair_ was..."

Ed mumbled something again. "Pardon, didn't hear you there..."

Ed gave his boss a glare that would make lil' kids run to their mommies. "Nair," He explained through clenched teeth, "is used for hair removal..."

Roy gave the alchemist in front of him another once over with his eyes. "Why?"

"You can blame Hawkeye on that one too,"...",_owww._"

'Hmm?', "Here, let me see." Roy got up and walked over to the blonde.

"Um, excuse me? What are you doing?" Ed's cheeks became tinted with red as Roy Mustang had now just placed himself right next to him.

"Let me see you leg. Unless it's your arms that hurt?" He placed a thoughtful expression on his face as he glanced down at Ed's protective position.

"Stop being so childish and let me see." Roy gave an annoyed look.

"I am not childish!"

"_Fine!_ Your not, now let me see!" The flame alchemist brought his own legs up to rest Indian style.

"Hmph." Reluctantly Ed pulled his legs out of their previous position and let his left leg dangle off the couch and right one bend at an acute angle for Roy to examine.

'Ack! He didn't have to do that!' A shocked glance was Ed's reaction at Mustang grabbing his leg and setting it in his own lap. The red tint on his cheeks evolved into a deep crimson flush, not unlike the color of his absent over coat.

"My god Full Metal! When was the last time you looked at your leg? It's showing an allergic reaction to that Nair stuff." Roy gingerly poked an especially blotchy area and earned himself a small whimper from the blonde's mouth.

"Take off you pants."

"Wha!"

Roy rolled his eyes at Ed's behavior. 'He's acting like a virgin school girl! Wait, most likely he is one minus the school girl part...hmm...Ed in a school girl uniform...Okay, so maybe I haven't gotten laid in awhile, it's his fault for acting _and_ looking like a female.'

"No."

"Pardon? You must learn to speak up Full Metal." Roy poked Ed's leg again.

"Oww! I don't wanna take off my pants. They took forever to get in!" Ed gave a pitiful whine doing his best to win by flashing the colonel his best puppy eyes. They always worked on Al. Speaking of Al, 'I wonder what Al's doing?'

"I wonder where brother is." Al gazed around thoughtfully. The cafeteria was being gaily decorated with millions of streamers in various colors.

Hawkeye handed Al another set of streamers. "I sent him to stall the colonel. I gave him specific instructions to keep him busy for two hours. Maes will give your brother some sort of sign fo when to lead Roy down here." She said, throwing a roll of pink paper to wrap around the others streamers.

Al gave Riza a glance before he placed his own handful of streamers to decorate the tables, a hurricane made of confetti had passed by and everything was covered in shiny little pieces of paper or glitter. The vanilla frosted cake even had edible confetti on it. Ed was sure to love the cake despite it being vanilla.

"There should be a first aid kit around here." Roy had abandoned the couch after getting the blonde to discard his pants. Of course the blonde was just sitting there looking like a puppy that had just been kicked to the curb.

"Here it is." Roy held up the medic kit that had once occupied the area underneath the room's desk. "I still can't believe what you told me. Riza didn't really seem that stable that day too." he approached the flushed alchemist. 'Seems I haven't lost my touch.'

"What're you going to do?" Gold eyes blinked owlishly at the medic kit.

"There should be some salve in here that will make the pain go away."

He knelt down in front of Ed, removed the military over coat to expose his arms and removed his signature gloves. The bottle which contained a pain reliever cream was opened as well.

"Hsssh...man, that's cold!" Ed's blush increased and engulfed his whole face in red when the older of the two began to massage the cream onto the area.

"Not my fault. Rather its' the idiot's who used Nair..."

"Don't blame me for this!"

"All I said was it wasn't my fault for the cream being cold. Just the idiot's that used it."

"Well, I blame the people that come up with stuff like this!" Ed pouted crossing his arms for the umpteen times that day.

"So, where is everyone? What is everyone not telling me?" The Flame Alchemist looked at his patient.

"Sorry, I can't tell you. You can do whatever you want to me but I'm not telling." Ed set his lips into a fine line and crossed his arms.

"Really..._anything?_" A predatory smile greeted Ed's eyes. He did not like the looks of this. Think before you speak!

"Um...yes?" He grimaced at how weak he sounded.

"So, if I did this." Roy brought his hand up to massage the pain reliever cream near the edge of Ed's boxers, "Would you tell me?"

"Wha!" Ed snapped his eyes open to resemble what a deer would look like in a car's headlights.

Roy shrugged, still rubbing the cream with his hand. "You did say whatever I wanted to do."

"But-"

"But nothing. Are you going back on what you said?" Black eyes gazed seriously into Ed's own golden ones.

'God that feels good...', Ed didn't think he could ignore what Roy was doing to him any longer. "No I'm not...its just...your cheating!"

"Hn, really? I don't see you complaining..." Roy gave a small frown, 'Okay, play my cards right and I win either way.'

'Hmm?' Ed thought, disappointed when Mustang stopped rubbing at the sensitive area.

'Now how do I go about this? I guess the quickest way is always the best.'

Roy stood up from his position on the floor, rubbing the cream off onto his pants. "I guess I should stop, after all...what is that saying? Cheaters never win?"

"Huh? whmph!" Ed gave a startled cry as Roy locked his lips with his own.

When the awkward kiss broke Roy let the blonde look at him like he was crazy before adding, "But I must be winning due to the fact that your quite turned on by this, which means that I'm not cheating."

Ed gave the man that hovered over him his best death glare. Apparently Roy wasn't intimidated by this since he just pulled the blonde down on the floor before straddling his lithe waist and securing his wrists.

"Now you could answer my questions and leave me with my own little problem...or we can go much farther. Your call Full Metal."

'Bullet or sexual fantasy? Bullet or sexual Fantasy? Okay, bullet bad, sexual fantasy good.' Ed blinked at Roy,' That is so not a _little _problem!' he thought when Roy's arousal made itself known.

"Still not telling!" He pouted and would have crossed his arm if not for Roy holding them down in place.

"Fine, have it your way." Roy gave a small shrug and proceeded to capture Ed's pout with his own lips. Ed gasped when the older man ran his tongue against his lips taking the opening of the blonde's guard to fully explore the mouth.

"Mmmh, Colonel..." Ed whimpered slightly when Roy stopped his ministrations.

"You can call me Roy if you like." He replied huskily, his mouth just an inch away from the pink lips. "But, that's only if I can call you Ed."

"Mm, 'kay."

AAA

Note-This is where the lemon would be if we were daring enough to place it here on FF(dot)net, however we are not so when there is time and we are able to sign up at AF(dot)net a link will be posted in M.P.'s profile for the uncut version of part B. Please continue and use your imagination for what happened (For now...).

AAA

"Hughes?" Riza glanced at the grinning man. "Where's the Colonel? Didn't I send you to fetch him?"

"He's a little busy right now..." He responded and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"What do you mean busy? Where's Ed?" Al asked, worried more for Mustang than his brother. Those two combined were bad news, especially for over two hours.

Hughes and Al watched as Riza's gun was drawn and aimed at the ceiling, Bang!

'What's going on?' Al was very confused.

"Everyone, everything was executed according to plan! Mission accomplished!"

Cheers erupted from the people that had gathered to celebrate the Colonel's birthday. 'I think I'm so out of the loop on this one. I'm not even going to ask what's going on...maybe I should though.'

"Good thing Ed didn't win with the strawberry frosting. He wouldn't have been able to enjoy it." Riza nodded her head in agreement, her costume's metal pieces jangling slightly.

"What exactly is going on?"

"When your older Al, when your older..." Both said in unison..."Hey, come take a look at these new pictures!"

AAAA

Please leave a review if you have time. Any feed back, is apreciatedfeel free too, to correctany mistakes. Thanks.


	3. Strawberry Shortcake

Story- Strawberry Shortcake!

Type- One-Shot.

Inspired by- Random fluffy feelings.

Coupling- Roy and Edward (already together couple), PG-13 (some suggestive themes)

Roy knew that often the simplest questions in life would never be answered. On more than one occasion Roy Mustang would ask a simple question and it would be received with an answer and look that obviously meant, 'I thought _everyone _knew that. This wouldn't be so bad, if one of the asked people weren't an eighteen year old with childish tendencies...

Deep with in the confines of Roy's extravagant manor, was where it all started.

"Nah, nah, na...can't touch this! Dar dar dar dart..." Yes, that is a blonde. Said blonde was apparently in ecstasy and jumping around half-naked. Why was he doing this?

"Do a little dance; make a little love...get-"

"Do I even want to know what your doing?" Edward Elric paused in his pose in his fantasy rock world to look ashamed.

"Uhm, well you still are taking me out tonight. Right?" Golden eyes fluttered in their best 'I'm so innocent and kawaii' impression. Note that it's not as effective when your holding a make-shift microphone made out of socks.

Roy shook his head in disbelief. After the six months that both had been together, his bed-mate still shocked him.

"Just get ready and be down in ten."

Ed slowly drew out his sock microphone as the door closed behind Mustang. "Na na! Can't touch this!"

Dressed in a loose black shirt and khaki pants Roy Mustang reclined on the couch.

'This takes me back to my younger days...waiting around for the girl while she pranced about upstairs,' he cringed, ' and doing what Ed's probably doing right now...again.'

"Ready!" After flying down the stairs, well tripping is more like it, the blonde alchemist stood.

"Like what you see?" Here, Ed gave a wolfish grin leaning forward a bit in a taunting manner.

Roy narrowed his eyes. "You are not wearing that."

"Huh? What's wrong with it?" He gave a small twirl to show off his outfit studded with several chains and buckles.

Roy thought about the best way to word his thoughts. "Because Ed, we are not going to a bondage convention. Change or we are not leaving this house."

"Awww!"

Minutes passed by slowly as loud thumps could be heard upstairs.

"How about this?" Running down the stairs to face this fellow alchemist Ed did a necessary spin to fully show off the outfit.

"No."

"But it took me forever to get into these pants!"

"And it will take _me _forever to get you out of them!" Roy began a staring match with the pants. They did fit him quite nicely.

"Wanna play it that way huh?" Leather pants that looked painted on were rubbed suggestively.

"One more chance. Get the outfit right or were staying home.", 'Damn't, think of anything but those hips. Please don't bleed, please, please!' his gloved hand made an instinctive motion to catch any blood from his nose, realizing this he brought it to his nose bridge instead, feigning a headache.

"Does that mean we get to _play_ still if we stay here?" A suggestive wink followed the blonde's purred words.

"No. All that means is that someone's going to be sleeping on the couch."

Ed marched himself up the stairs cursing at the colonel's dress code. Roy didn't mind this at all; he had a nice view of the blonde's ass swaying itself up to the second floor.

Of course Roy would never act on his threat against our poor blonde. So five outfits later and Roy getting involved in the selection process they were ready to go.

"I want this!" "I want that!" "Can we get this?"

The flame alchemist watched his lover run amuck through the crowds of people, grabbing things and bringing them back to gain his approval.

The carnival wasn't that crowded compared to how many people usually went there during its stay in town.

"Hey! Can I get this to send home to Alphonse?" Ed popped up beside the taller man and flashed mega chibi eyes. "Pwease?"

"Don't we pay you at all?" 'Must resist, must resist eyes!'

"I'm your date! Dates aren't suppose to pay anything at all!" Ed nodded his head in agreement with himself.

"Who twisted your logic?" Roy gave a disheartened glace over at one of the price tags of the stuffed animal stand. 'Crap, that's an arm and a leg now a days.'

Ed waved the oversized kitty plush in his lover's face. "Pwease?"

'And irony is today's keyword...' After fumbling for his wallet, bills were pulled out and flung at the greasy looking guy behind the counter.

"Thank you Roy. Mwah!" Ed gave a small peck to the raven-haired man's cheek. "Here, hold this."

As the stuffed animal was flung into Roy's arms the blonde departed again to look at the next vendor's merchandise.

'Crap, this thing is heavy.'

"And I want this one and this one, oh! I want that one too!" Sweat drops appeared as Roy watched as Ed tried to get him to buy everything.

"Pwease? Pretty pwease?"

"If we get anymore stuff you won't be able to go on any of the rides."

"Rides! Let's go!" Merchandise forgotten Ed grabbed a part of arm that wasn't stuffed with plush and dragged Roy to the nearest attraction.

"Hey Kid! Who's going to pay for all of this? Damn kids." The vendor muttered to himself as the smaller albeit cuter of the two dragged away his date.

Ed hummed happily as he cuddled up to the older man. "I heard this one's the best! It's supposedly one of the fastest wooden rollercoaster around!"

Onyx eyes gave a glance up towards the rickety coaster. 'Likely the least safe too.'

"Ed, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Tickets please."

"Here you go." Dum, dum dee.

"Thanks."

As they got themselves situated in the cart Ed looked over to the paler face of his bed-mate. "What were you saying before?"

"That-

Huh?

"Oh sorry sir. It's just that I didn't realize how short your kid was."

'Thank god for people like her!

"Who are you calling short?" Thankfully living with the blonde alchemist had given Roy an incredible gift, the ability to drone out Ed's rambling.

"And fifth. I am not his kid! Also sixth,-

"Ed, please. Let's just find another ride to go on."

"Humph."

"What weird people." The ticket person watched the two people exit.

"Uh, Roy..."

"Hmm?" Currently the two were walking up the less crowded path to other vendors.

"Um, I really wanted to go on that ride." Ed glomped onto Roy's arm.

"But, you see. Uhm. Can we go shopping instead?" The blonde nuzzled the stolen arm.

'Crap. He's breaking out the crocodile tears.' Roy watched as Ed gave a small sniffle and rubbed his right eye gingerly.

"Ugh, fine. What ever you want." Ed's depression lifted and he immediately broke free and began to look at the goods displayed.

'I'm going to scorch whoever taught him how to be so manipulative.'

"And I want this and these...those are nice."

"Just pick something out and I'll buy it for you." Roy leaned up against the post supporting the tent.

"Really? Yay! Than I want this!" He held up another plush, abnormally pink and red haired.

A well-groomed eyebrow rose. "What the hell is that supposed to be?"

Shocked gold eyes looked at him. "You don't know who Strawberry Shortcake is?"

"Fine, whatever. I'll buy it for you."

And thus that was how the rest of the night went.

"Thank you so much love. Mwah." Ed delivered a well earned kiss, stepped inside the house and shut the door.

Roy stood on the door step in bad humor and pressed the doorbell several times.

"Huh, what do you want still?" Ed's small frame stood in the doorway questioningly.

"It's my house."

"Ooops."


	4. Hot Chocolate or not Pocky Style!

Story- Hot Chocolate _or not _Pocky Style

Type- One-Shot.

Inspired by- A box of pocky

Coupling- Roy and Edward hints, PG-13 (some suggestive themes, language)

MVPMVPMVPMVP

"Make it stop!" at the age of thirty... (Roy glares)...er, twenty-eight, Roy Mustang... (Glares again and gets smacked)... was what the ladies wanted.

However most only wanted his body, not his hair. Furthermore, if they did want the hair, they didn't want it gray...

"Damn Father. I swear I got it from his side of the family." Yes, standing in the men's bathroom was Colonel Roy Mustang plucking at a gray hair.

Of course if one were to ask the female authors writing this, they could have told him what happens when a gray hair is plucked.

Roy blinked at his reflection in the mirror as he yanked the silver strand from his scalp.

Satisfied he brushed his hair back making sure that he had fully gotten the culprit. "Shit! Those were not there two seconds ago." A little shock of hair had, erhem, turned the color of their former comrade. The tiled bathroom counter received the abuse of Roy Mustang's fist.

'I hate this.' The mirror reflected the scowling man as he proceeded to leave the lavatory, bruised hand newly added to his list of problems.

"I'm old; no I'm not. I'm old; no I'm not..." Military boots clacked on the wooden floors of Central's hallways. The papers that Riza had given him to sign were now being used as a makeshift flower in a twisted game of 'He loves me, he loves me not'. As Roy walked a trail of paper followed him.

Roy by all means did not love his job, hence the paper abuse. The only thing he liked was power that came with the job and tormenting a certain blonde-

"Hey! Watch where you're going! Bloody hell! You broke my piece of pocky!" Whoever said that blondes had more fun had not met Edward Elric who looked sadly at his broken pocky stick. Of course it hadn't hit Ed yet that he still had an almost full pocky pack on his person in his red coat. Hey, it was morals.

Roy glared at the older Elric brother and continued walking. He was in no mood to play verbal bashing games with him at the moment.

"Hey! Hey! You could at least say you're sorry!" Ed shot his own glare back at the Flame Alchemist's back and finished off the pocky that was fortunate enough not to be broken (Think of the way Shuichi from Gravitation eats his). "Er! What the hell's your problem. It's like you got a stick shoved up your bloody ass." Ed crossed his arms, closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side into a mocking stance. 'It's either that or a tampon.'

Now Roy could handle Ed's subordination most of the time, but of course it was only _all _the time that Ed did this. Do the math. Statistics show that most don't follow the 'don't get mad-get even' stuff that is spewed over the country. Roy was a statistic _or a _sadist when it came to the Elric.

Roy turned curtly on the soles of his boots to face Edward. "Maybe if you weren't a midget I would have noticed you." A smirk appeared on Roy's lips.

"Hmph, well at least I don't have grey hairs." Ed responded, turning his head to deliver his own smirk.

Roy Mustang's left eye started to twitch.

"And at least I don't have that twitchy eye thingy. It isn't contagious is it?" Ed finished looking genuinely concerned for his own wellbeing.

Roy went through his checklist of why he couldn't kill the alchemist standing in front of him. 'Oh, that's right. He's a fricking prodigy. Not allowed to touch those aren't I?'(Present company snickers)

All of a sudden: A mysterious cloaked figure, invisible to all but people in front of their computer screens, whacks Roy in the head with her FMA backpack and leaves. Hence the out of character look on Roy's face now. See it? Yes, my pretties fear the control an authoress has!

Roy's lip quivered. His eyes became the size of soup plates. All Ed could do was watch in silent horror as his superior broke down...in front of him...in the hallway...at his job. Great, this was so what Ed needed right now. Please note that sarcasm had made an appearance in Ed's military rations this morning.

"What in the hell are you doing!" The blonde barked at him. "You come at me all 'I'm all Mr. Mustang, look at me!' and shit and than you just break down like your on friggin hormones or something! Mind telling me what's up? Are you pregnant or something?" He adapted a similar position that Winry often used when he, himself was interrogated for his own actions.

A spark seemed to go off in Roy's eyes as he looked up from kneeled position on the floor. His eyes glimmered with his shed, and still trying to make an appearance, tears. Never before had someone actually taken that position with him, the way Ed was standing. Well-shaped chest pumping up and down, trying its hardest to deliver more oxygen to the fuming blonde's lungs, legs shoulder length apart, right hand smashed as if it was joined to his hip, slightly leaning forward with his left hand's index finger pointing at him in that cocky fashion of his. To top it off, the golden eyes were heated in the passion of the blonde's fury, lips parted with the slightest hint of tongue shown.

'Who cares if I'm old? As long as I can still look and touch I'm in tip top condition. But wait? Pregnant?'

"Excuse me, Full Metal. I am not pregnant! I've been stressed lately. I'll be going now." Roy turned on his well polished boots, military coat flaring out and proceeded to walk away with some of his dignity, at least not before threatening his charge with a severe rug burn if anyone found out about his little episode.

'Ah, peace and quiet.' Roy Mustang laid his head down on his folded arms that rested on his desk. 'This is what I need, a nice cat nap.'

After this afternoons escapade Roy was exhausted. It was catching up to him that maybe the higher-ups had been right, as sick as that may be. He was young. His best friend had been right. Roy cringed. His new position came with more paperwork, more civilian duties, and more coffee. In fact, that was the only thing keeping the raven -haired man on his toes.

A muffled groan was could be heard from the vicinity of Roy's arms as he remembered that he could use a fresh cup right about now.

"Surprise!" The Flame Alchemist's head shot up at the overly cheerful voice. 'Gods Full Metal, not right now.' Of course Roy couldn't let Ed see that he was tired.

"Get the fuck out of my office right now." Good, temper was in check as Roy rose to greet the blonde...but, that had been his intent. Instead, a shocked look crossed his face at what ed was holding.

"What the hell do you have there?"

"I'm not in your office…yet." Ed bounced cheerfully into the room uninvited. "I brought some things to relieve your stress. See?" he held up what he was carrying to show that he had come in peace. The blonde held in his right hand a large basket and in his left, Black Hayate. The puppy did not seem to be very happy at the moment.

"You see" he said, "petting animals is supposed to relive stress and blood pressure and all the rest of that crap. So I'm like, a stressed boss makes for a stressed employee and vice versa. Catch what I'm saying?" During Ed's speech he had managed to push his shocked superior back into his plush chair and drop the dog napped puppy into un-wanting arms. "Now you just sit right there while I go make you some hot chocolate: pocky style!"

Roy snapped out of his surprised stupor. "I don't want hot chocolate. I need coffee."

Ed waggled a finger at his boss. He really had to stop hanging around with Winry. He was adapting to many of her habits. "Coffee is bad for you-"

"Full Metal, that elixir from the gods is the only thing keeping me sane right now."

Ed gave a glance at him, "You're sane? Wouldn't have thought that." Without waiting for the reply, he dashed out of the room.

Roy narrowed his eyes out of habit and instinctively began to pet Black Hayate. 'Maybe Ed was right, this is soothing. Not going to tell him that though.'

"Here you are!" As quickly as he had left, Ed had come back in with a large smiley faced ceramic mug. "Here try it."

Roy gingerly took the mug and brought is to his lips. The way Edward was looking at him started to make him feel guilty for the way he had treated him, that is until he took a sip of the hot chocolate.

"Blah, I thought you said it was _hot _chocolate?"

Ed looked shocked that Mustang was getting upset at him. "I can't help it if I'm not old enough to work a stove in Central!" The older Elric gave a small pout, obviously offended that his boss failed to remember that little fact after the marshmallow catastrophe.

'Hm, at least the pocky is good.' Roy thought as he took out the piece used to stir the chocolate powder in, 'Strawberry pocky, yummy.'

"All right Ed, I concede. It is good." Ed gave a smirk.

"See? It's not poisoned." Ed gave a satisfactory smile and made himself comfortable on Roy's desk. "And look what else I brought you!" Ed began pulling out all sorts of pastries from his basket, reminding Roy of Little Red Riding Hood.

"Why exactly are you feeding me? How is this supposed to relieve my stress?" Roy began to nibble on the pocky stick.

"Well you see, I read in this book that apart of our brains hasn't fully developed. This means that it's sort of animalistic and has the intelligence of a lizard. This part controls our basic instincts. Like-"

"Full Metal, I hope your not comparing me to a lizard." Roy bit of a large piece of pocky.

"No I'm not. Now if you'll just listen to me. I'll list some of the animal instincts that this part of our brains controls. There's our instinct to avoid danger, and to provide adrenaline, and-"

"Just spit it out already." Roy finished off the pocky stick.

"'Kay, this part of our brains controls our survival. When we eat we feel happy because it sends happy chemicals throughout our body, rewarding us for not starving. Got it? Natural Chemical Highs are fun!" With that, Ed clapped his hands together and ran out of the room in ecstasy.

Roy gave a shocked blink.

Riza Hawkeye cautiously glanced in. "So that's what he did with you," and snapped her fingers. Black Hayate jumped off Roy's lap to his owner. "Sorry sir. I would have kept Ed away if he upset you this much...sir?"

"Er-What's up with him?"

"Oh, Edward sir? Havoc gave him some pocky laced with some sort of drug...Sorry sir, I found out a few minutes ago and when I went to get the pocky back Ed had apparently eaten it all." Black Hayate wiggled as Riza held him close to her. "Can I get you a cup of coffee sir?"

"Thanks, but no. Full Metal made me chocolate milk." And with that Roy finished off his very laced, but still very good pocky stick.

MVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVPMVP

Please tellwhat you think and leave a review. Thankies /smiles insanely/


	5. Dress Code Part A Pg13

Story- Dress Code

Type- Two-part One-Shot.

Inspired by- The military's bleak uniforms.

Coupling- Roy and Edward hints, PG-13 (some suggestive themes, language in next chapter.)

Maes Hughes always held a certain fascination with finding out the unknown. That's what made him so good at his job. When things caught his attention he knew, he knew that he had to find out the mystery, the secret, the forbidden knowledge, doing whatever it took to solve the puzzle. Edward Elric was one of these puzzles…well it wasn't him per se, but the young alchemist's pants that tempted the older man.

Hughes was good at his job, which was why he took this mystery to heart and vowed to find out how did the Full Metal Alchemist get those impossibly small pair of pants on.

"Oh, Roy"

Roy Mustang slammed his head down against the desk. At the age of twenty-six, he was one of the youngest colonels around Central and also one of the most stressed. His nimble fingers hastily grabbed at the stack of papers before him as he tried to look busy.

"Sir, Hughes is here to see you," Informed Riza Hawkeye. The young blonde woman was pretty, much to pretty for the military, that was for sure, and Roy drew a mental picture every time he saw her with her in a skirt. A shame, really, that such fine legs were covered by the drab unisex uniform. "Shall I let him in, sir?" She asked.

"Yes," The Flame Alchemist answered, grabbing a sheet of paper and scribbling his signature on it hastily. He might as well look like he was busy, that way, he'd be able to get rid of Maes if the man proved to be even more annoying then normal today.

"Roy, you'll never guess what I have." The man practically sang. Gosh, and Roy had known the man for how long…that's right, _far too_ long.

"What, Maes?" Roy asked passively to the proud father.

"Pictures, of course! My darling is such a little angel. See, here she is in this cute swimsuit; oh, over here she's feeding the ducks. Isn't she just precious?" As Hughes continued on, Roy began to feel the beginnings of a headache coming. Maybe Riza could give him some Advil, or something…wasn't it the rule of thumb that all women carried around Advil? Maybe it'd be better to ask Ross. At least she wouldn't shoot him if she were in a foul mood, key word being _if_.

"Maes, please get down to it." Roy closed his captivating charcoal eyes, willing the headache to die down.

"Sorry, Roy. Wanted to make sure we weren't being spied upon." Roy Mustang lifted a well manicured eyebrow at this statement. It was unusual for measures so extreme, such as having his ears talked off, to be gone through when dealing with office gossip. At least, that's what Roy hoped it was, just office gossip. Last time, the need for making sure there were no eavesdroppers had led to a man being shot. Roy did not want to do that much paperwork again.

"That's fine, Maes. What's up?" _Patience is a virtue_, Roy thought.

"Well, I've come to conclusion of sorts, Roy" Maes lowered his voice a few notches. "And that is…" Finished Roy.

"Why do you," Maes leaned over the colonel's desk, "have a breakage of military code running around, and yet _you, _do nothing about it? Hmmm?"

_What the fuck is Maes on, _thought Roy. "What the hell are you talking about?" Roy brushed a few pieces of ash black hair out of his eyes, "if someone were violating the military rules, then _I_, of all people, would know about it."

"Nuhuh," Maes Hughes gave Roy his patented shifty cat eyes look and leaned in to whisper in his friend's ear, his voice laced with conspiracy undertones. "Edward Elric," he murmured, "has never, _ever_, dressed according to the military's rules."

Roy gave his friend his own look, one that just screamed out, _are you crazy?_ He shook his head, "I can't believe you wasted over half an hour of my precious time with that lame…in fact, I'm not going to lower my IQ down to your level by even trying to explain why you would tell me this."

"Mission accepted, sir!" Roy watched in shock as Maes Hughes, who he once considered sane, snapped smartly to attention and after giving him a two fingered salute, ran out the door. _What in the world did I just agree to…_

* * *

I know we're taking forever to update, but we actually had starts toseveral new one-shots to add to Strawberry Stories on M.P.'s computer, that is, untill M.P. ended up downloading a virus. Her computer was wiped clean and sadly, all of our starts were erased. We managed to salvage this from a floppy disk. It isn't the original, though, but we're working on rewritingthe stories we remember.

Next update: July 11, 2006. M.P. and I won't be in the area until thetenth, but we'll upload the next chapterasap.


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